Well i have managed to only drink twice since the last time i posted-i am actually quite proud of my self i only drank 5 beers and a few drinks of a four when there was a whole 30 pack in the fridge, and the second time i only drank a couple of beers--yay! Be that as it may my diet has gotten no healthier-but i am beginning to believe that i have some sort of self control inside of me somewhere, which means its possible for me to start being a little healthier.
I watched the tv movie about karla homolka the other day and its been on my mind a lot, they portrayed her as incredibly innocent throughout the entire movie which is quite shocking to me considering her horrible crimes. Its almost unbelievable that she only got twelve years in prison for all that she has done. A lot of people think that she should die and so should her baby-but i think that we need to stop punishing an innocent child for the acts of his psycho mother. She should still be in prison-and her child should have gone out for adoption-its bad enough he will forever be associated with her, and hated just for being her son-if she had any kind of decency she would have given him up, no child deserves the hard life he will have to live...just my thoughts..
I spent some time with my family a couple of days ago, which was nice but as always knocked me off of my sleep schedule-so i had to pull an all nighter again-first i pulled an attempted all nighter and second i did it--then today i get a call from a friend whom i havent seen in three years who wants to hang out with me tomorrow during the time that i have to sleep, i told her no we have to do it another time because i cant keep staying up all night all the time-it cant be good for me-ive stayed up 24 hours like 3 times in the past couple of weeks, and it doesnt make me feel good at all. but i do feel bad that i will be missing an opportunity to see my friend...and i think that she is upset about it, but she just doesnt understand.
Also when i woke up and was trying to go back to sleep my brother busted in the room turned the lights on twice, stole my cigarettes-and wouldn't leave me alone when i asked him to several times (the man is 30 years old) i thought my boyfriend told him it was okay to come back there and mess with me i freaked out like a five year old! i was pretty ashamed afterward but i was cranky and really tired--i yelled down the hall and into the living room at my boyfriend-well more like screamed at him, and i feel so badly about that-i apologized a million times, but my apologies dont justify me acting like a child-i couldn't even help it though-my brother pushes my buttons worse that almost anyone-the he proceeded to call me "mom" in an attempt to insult me as he always does when i get pissed because he wont stop messing with me-and that really makes me fucking angry, it would have been easier for me to act like an adult if i was dealing with an adult! and my mom wont stop calling me and asking me to come help her clean her house-which i have done a million times throughout my life-her house is a filthy mess and i have to walk over two miles to get there just to be ordered around and supervised-she doesn't walk so good these days which makes it seem like i should have more sympathy i know but no matter how well i clean the house or how many times i do it-it just gets filthy again, she is sort of a hoarder-she collects stacks and stacks of papers and gets several magazines a month-none of which she wants to part with-i just get sick of cleaning up messes i did not create, but if you asked her it would in some way be my fault or my brothers fault-she seems to always shift the blame around-i know i will end up right back over there cleaning her house-but its a lot of work for someone like myself not in the best shape-2.2 miles there on foot-2.2 miles back--and in between lifting heavy boxes for hours and moving a giant stack-able washer and dryer-its going to be a hell of a crappy day i will tell you that-i only wish my brother (the 30 year old) would step up and help me a little bit-he does have a job and a family-which would be his defense-but i don't think that means that i cant have a little help when it comes to helping out our mom, it does need to be done-but it would get done a lot faster if i wasn't the only person willing to do it....