Well i have managed to only drink twice since the last time i posted-i am actually quite proud of my self i only drank 5 beers and a few drinks of a four when there was a whole 30 pack in the fridge, and the second time i only drank a couple of beers--yay! Be that as it may my diet has gotten no healthier-but i am beginning to believe that i have some sort of self control inside of me somewhere, which means its possible for me to start being a little healthier.
I watched the tv movie about karla homolka the other day and its been on my mind a lot, they portrayed her as incredibly innocent throughout the entire movie which is quite shocking to me considering her horrible crimes. Its almost unbelievable that she only got twelve years in prison for all that she has done. A lot of people think that she should die and so should her baby-but i think that we need to stop punishing an innocent child for the acts of his psycho mother. She should still be in prison-and her child should have gone out for adoption-its bad enough he will forever be associated with her, and hated just for being her son-if she had any kind of decency she would have given him up, no child deserves the hard life he will have to live...just my thoughts..
I spent some time with my family a couple of days ago, which was nice but as always knocked me off of my sleep schedule-so i had to pull an all nighter again-first i pulled an attempted all nighter and second i did it--then today i get a call from a friend whom i havent seen in three years who wants to hang out with me tomorrow during the time that i have to sleep, i told her no we have to do it another time because i cant keep staying up all night all the time-it cant be good for me-ive stayed up 24 hours like 3 times in the past couple of weeks, and it doesnt make me feel good at all. but i do feel bad that i will be missing an opportunity to see my friend...and i think that she is upset about it, but she just doesnt understand.
Also when i woke up and was trying to go back to sleep my brother busted in the room turned the lights on twice, stole my cigarettes-and wouldn't leave me alone when i asked him to several times (the man is 30 years old) i thought my boyfriend told him it was okay to come back there and mess with me i freaked out like a five year old! i was pretty ashamed afterward but i was cranky and really tired--i yelled down the hall and into the living room at my boyfriend-well more like screamed at him, and i feel so badly about that-i apologized a million times, but my apologies dont justify me acting like a child-i couldn't even help it though-my brother pushes my buttons worse that almost anyone-the he proceeded to call me "mom" in an attempt to insult me as he always does when i get pissed because he wont stop messing with me-and that really makes me fucking angry, it would have been easier for me to act like an adult if i was dealing with an adult! and my mom wont stop calling me and asking me to come help her clean her house-which i have done a million times throughout my life-her house is a filthy mess and i have to walk over two miles to get there just to be ordered around and supervised-she doesn't walk so good these days which makes it seem like i should have more sympathy i know but no matter how well i clean the house or how many times i do it-it just gets filthy again, she is sort of a hoarder-she collects stacks and stacks of papers and gets several magazines a month-none of which she wants to part with-i just get sick of cleaning up messes i did not create, but if you asked her it would in some way be my fault or my brothers fault-she seems to always shift the blame around-i know i will end up right back over there cleaning her house-but its a lot of work for someone like myself not in the best shape-2.2 miles there on foot-2.2 miles back--and in between lifting heavy boxes for hours and moving a giant stack-able washer and dryer-its going to be a hell of a crappy day i will tell you that-i only wish my brother (the 30 year old) would step up and help me a little bit-he does have a job and a family-which would be his defense-but i don't think that means that i cant have a little help when it comes to helping out our mom, it does need to be done-but it would get done a lot faster if i wasn't the only person willing to do it....

NINE!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZeciX-3wfs
so first of all its very important that someone watch this video, its rammstein vs. the cookie monster. I am having a fairly good day so far (still on my awesome sleep schedule) and actually seem to have a little bit MORE time on my hands-which could be a good or a bad thing i suppose, i dont often make good use of my time-but at least i amuse myself :). I am going to walk up to Rickys work later (meijer) and buy some groceries-i like to walk places, although it gets kind of frightening some times when i find myself roaming the streets at three am-I am not one of those ppl who dont think anything bad can happen to them-in fact im quite paranoid, and for that matter almost agoraphobic at times-i dont like to be around people much anymore-which makes walking at night a good thing actually. I like the exercise as well, i listen to my ipod and think, not about much inparticular most of the time-but its nice, because i seem to have a lot to think about no matter how little is going on in my life-which is something that used to keep me up at night a lot-but i find myself sleeping less, which makes it a lot easier to go to sleep..except when i am overloaded on caffeine anyways..well thats all for now!

As of now

Lately I have had a pretty erratic sleeping schedule-my boyfriend works third shift so i try to sleep during the day-which always gets messed up of course-but now i am sleeping from about 9am until 4 pm--which i am pretty happy about, i spend more time with my boyfriend and i also get some more daylight hours! As for the "as of now" thing-i have been trying to be a little more conscious of my health--smoking less-eating better, and getting a little more needed exercise. No one can be perfect but its not against the law to try :) All my life when i have been unhappy about something i would realize it and change, like the day i woke up and took off my black nailpolish-bleached the black out of my hair and got a new wardrobe--i didnt like who i was anymore so i changed-this is only one instance of course. But lately i have found that I am not exactly the happiest about the way i live anymore--im unhealthy, a little overweight, have a poor self image and jobless-im trying to fix all of those things--but as long as I dont have a job the least i can do is work on the other things--"everything will work out" is something i have said to myself and just about everyone else over the years more times than i can count--and it always does. So I have decided to make everything work out for myself sooner rather than later-For some reason I have felt like a big ol' bag of sunshine lately-and that my dear friends (i suppose that means me..lol) i am happy about!
Awesomely yours,
LAUREN

Life as it is

I obviously have a drinking problem--but im not sure whether i care to fix it or not-it does sometimes make me obnoxious, i occasionally black out, i get all depressed, alcohol is fattening-and its too expensive of a habit. I suppose its kind of like smoking-i know its horrible for me and doesnt benefit me in any way, but i like to do it and it makes me feel good...so im not really positive that i do have the will power to quit--because despite all the crappy things that come along with drinking i do have a lot of fun, and have made some damn good memories doing it---i didnt really want this post to be about my drinking "problem", but i guess it is a current issue in my life. I live in michigan and am unemployed--despite all of my efforts...i would LOVE to have a job-but that would be a lot easier if i had a car, which i need a license for, which i need a job to get--and since i no longer live with my mom--who is broke as a joke anyways it all seems really impossible-but that wont stop me from trying! i had three interviews in a row a while back-then someone else got the job, but it really did lift my spirits even to come close--i thought i interviewed rather well and was very confident that i would get it...but even though i didnt it still gave me a sense of relief to feel so close to having a job, it made me feel a little bit like my efforts were paying off--i will have to keep trying but i know i will succeed and pull my life together :) In a couple of months i will have been with my current boyfriend for two years, which is rather exciting for me-he is the love of my life!!

21

Tomorrow is my 21st birthday, I feel like i should be more excited-but I'm sure it will still be okay. I'm having a friend over that i haven't seen in forever, but im afraid she will only be able to visit with me for a few hours and then she has to go to sleep. I havent decided whether i should get trashed on my birthday or not...It wouldnt be any different because i get trashed all the time-but what the hell this is the only day of my life i have an excuse to be wasted all day :p anyways i just want to drop a few lines its been a while.

drunk dialing

I am worse than a drunk dialer, i get really bored and drunk myspace, facebook, and blog-which is quite humorous sometimes-but rather confusing to the people who cant understand my ramblings. I have drunk dialed on occasion though-anyhow i would like to more than recommend the game "Peggle", its fun, easy and quite addictive. For those of you who have xbox live you should download it-its fairly inexpensive and really fun :) I finally watched the new harry potter yesterday-which was really good-but ended abruptly just like pirates of the Caribbean did-which was irritating-but acceptable because this movie didn't put me to sleep in the middle of the day. Well its shower time i will most definitely post more tomorrow, just for the sake of posting

Drinking today, sometimes im not quite sure what im supposed to do with my time. I dont play a lot of video games which puts quite a damper on spending time with him sometimes. It's not as if he plays video games all day everyday, but when he does get quite into it-it doesn't stop for a long time. which means i have a choice of leaving the room and watching some tv or staying at the computer. I'm never quite sure on what to-i dont want to abandon by boyfriend but i dont want to spend my day dying of boredom..who knows i guess ttyl until tomorrow my faithful 0 readers